Ethics in Memoir

As part of the Elwood Writers’ anthology launch, host Lee Kofman had prepared a question in advance for me on the ethics of writing about one’s family. 

‘Your memoirs in this collection feature various family members,’ the question went, ‘What are your ethical challenges when writing about others and how do you deal with them?’ 

The book launch took off with great élan, and there was no time for the question. What would I have said about my story, ‘The Lamb’? On this occasion I had asked my mother for permission to write about her, but on other occasions I have not. Honestly, I don’t think there are any ethical guidelines in memoir that will shield you entirely from familial criticism. The memoirist might write with the best of intentions, but that doesn’t mean that someone, somewhere, won’t feel hurt.

When one of my brothers found out I was writing about my life with our veteran father, he immediately wanted to know when he could sue me. He was being funny, of course, but there’s truth in every joke. ‘Not yet,’ I answered, ‘because I haven’t written it’. But that doesn’t mean he won’t – sue me, that is.

Mum agreed to the publishing of ‘The Lamb’ one rainy day while we were out driving. The windscreen wipers flashed back and forth in time to her thoughts. Finally she nodded, ‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘Those days must be accounted for.’

In personal essay, I try to be toughest on myself. But what I might find to be an amusing family anecdote, could make someone else feel uncomfortable.

In the end, none of this can stop the memoirist. The bottom line is that it’s our story, and we have to tell it the best way we can But it’s our job to reach for the truth – at least, the truth as we see it.

…

‘The Lamb’ appears in Every Second Tuesday, an anthology by Elwood Writers. It’s available at Readings or any international online outlet.

Categories: memoir writing, non-fiction, families,https://www.readings.com.au/st-kilda