Putting the ‘me’ in memoir

A memoir teacher once asked why I didn’t write about myself. ‘You know, put more of yourself into the memoir.’ she said. ‘Use the “I” word.’ Who me? Put the ‘me’ in memoir. Is the Pope Catholic? Did Tom Ford turn Gucci around? I’d been writing around the topic of my father, a World War II veteran, for years. Skirting around the issue of my relationship with him. I’d tell other people’s stories about their fathers, but never fully telling my own.

One day I took courage and joined a writing group in Melbourne’s south. The members welcomed me (there you see, I said ‘me’) with a minimum of fanfare and much kindness. They were fiction and poetry writers who accepted me – a non-fiction writer – into their midst. At one meeting I was reading a story about somebody whose father was a war veteran, like mine.

“M,” one person asked. ‘Why are you reluctant to talk about yourself and your father? Just when you start telling your own story, you veer off and start mentioning somebody else’s, someone I don’t know and in whom I have little interest.’ I had no answer. Honestly, I was shocked. How would you do that? How would you make your own life interesting enough for the page?

At school in the fifties and sixties we were taught never to use the “I” word. (Using the “we” here!) The “I” pronoun was a form of self-indulgence. You never began a piece with that pronoun. You wrote a letter of thanks, acceptance of invitations, even issued invitations, you wrote essays, travel stories rarely using the “I” word. It was always ‘you’, ‘we’ or ‘one’. You could mention yourself by name, but usually only at the end of the story. Most particularly in those days you did not tell the truth about what you were thinking.  (More of that another time.)

Since joining the writing group, I’ve learned a lot about writing and the process of memoir itself. I’ve spent time getting comfortable with the subjective, singular pronoun, the object “me” and the possessive pronoun “my”. Slowly I get used to the form of personal narrative, even learning to enjoy it. There are ways skilfully to hide the subjective stance. But that will take a while yet. 

This blog contains thoughts on the process of memoir writing. Putting the ‘Me’ in Memoir.